


Last Rites

by Danruu



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-31
Updated: 2011-10-31
Packaged: 2017-10-25 14:16:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danruu/pseuds/Danruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders is finally taken in by the Templars and is due to be executed the next day. The Chantry send a certain Brother to take his last rites... ANGST.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Last Rites Chapter 1

It had been a simple mistake. All those years of ducking, hiding, being cautious, all it took was the one slip up, the one time he didn’t stay at Hawke’s estate, for the Templars to descend on his small clinic at last.

It hadn’t taken much for him to be taken in by them. The dreaded Silence that all mages feared was used before he could even see them, and Justice was cut off from him. Without magic and without his spirit, Anders was just a man bordering on the malnourished, physically weak and feeble. He cursed his own bad habits before he was knocked unconscious by the Templars.

When he woke, he found himself in a tiny cell, no bigger than (and the comparison was made before his sluggish brain made him stop) the bed he had shared with Hawke once. He still could not feel Justice, and now his chest ached from the memory of that bed and the man he had shared it with. He and Hawke had never progressed further than that one night, although Hawke allowed the mage to use the spare room to avoid the Templars and get a proper nights sleep every once in a while, but Anders longed for him still.

He finished taking in his surroundings, nothing but a moth-eaten bed, a pot for toileting, and a barred door. Not even a window for him to determine what time it was outside. If these were the cells for all the mages, he suddenly had more sympathy for those who would turn to blood magic in desperation.

Anders thoughts turned once again to Hawke, wondering what the man was doing now, in Orlais, far away from Kirkwall. The mage cursed his own stupidity again; he hadn’t felt right sleeping in the Hawke estate without the man himself being there, despite how Bodahn had protested. He had chosen his clinic for the night, and now he was going to live to regret it… if he could even regret after being made…

His brain woke up suddenly, refusing to let him finish that thought as he could hear footsteps approaching his cell. The door had a small latch that opened, and a man’s sneering face appeared. Anders winced against the sudden light.

“The little mage-doctor is finally awake then.” The Templar mocked, and the sound of sniggers indicated that there were more Templars behind the door. No doubt the capture of Anders was a cause for celebration among them, he’d been giving them the slip for six years after all, and that was just since arriving in Kirkwall.

He felt a pang of familiar discomfort as Silence was recast; clearly the Templars were not taking their chances with him. He glared at them but said nothing, refusing to be baited.

“I suppose you’re wondering what’s going to happen next hm? Well we know all about your connections to Serah Hawke, and that’s not going to help you now.”

Anders felt his own nails digging into the skin on his arm, forcing him to stay quiet. There were three things that could happen now. One, they made him a part of the Circle. Two, they executed him. Or three, he was made Tranquil. He just wanted to know which it was, not knowing was excruciating.

It was almost as the Templar read his mind, “You’re not joining the Circle, apostate. You’ve got too much of a rep for that.” Anders felt his heart sink.

“Please be execution… Please…” With that thought, his mind went into overdrive, hoping, wishing, praying for the answer to be execution. The thought of being made into one of them, his mind flashed back to Karl, almost unrecognizable with that hateful symbol carved into his forehead… Anything but that.

“I could tell you mage.” The Templar’s sudden grin was the most unnerving thing Anders had ever seen. “But that would be a kindness I don’t feel like granting today. All you need to know is, sundown tomorrow. Just under a day. Then you’ll find out. A member of the Chantry will see you in the morning. Then you’ll find out.”

“No…” Anders voice cracked as the Templars laughed amongst themselves, “No! You have to tell me! Please let me die, let me die! I can’t be Tranquil! Please!” He was almost hysterical as he tried to jump up, to look the other man in the eyes. But the Templar was done now, still laughing he shut the tiny grate on the door, leaving Anders alone in the complete darkness.

He stood there for a moment, shaking like a leaf as a hundred thoughts flooded his mind. He wanted to scream, shout, break down the wooden door and show them all why mages were feared but he simply didn’t have the strength… So he flopped back down onto the hard bed and cried his heart out instead.


	2. Last Rites Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sebastian appears. (My major assumption is that the Chantry consider Tranquility to be more merciful than execution, regardless of Anders opinion on the matter!)

Sebastian wouldn’t say he hated the Gallows, he was after all a firm supporter in the Templar Order and the belief in keeping mages in Circles for their own protection… but there was something about the Gallows that didn’t sit well with him.

He had been reluctant to agree to the task of giving an unfortunate mage his last rites, but he knew that all things happened for a reason. If he could give solace to one lost sheep, then the Maker would look favorably upon such an act, despite how unnerving it was for him.

“Good morning Brother.” He was greeted warmly by a Templar at the wrought-iron gates of the Gallows, and Sebastian responded in kind, trying hard to avoid looking at the weeping statues that loomed above him or the blank faces of the many Tranquil that wandered the courtyard doing menial jobs and selling their wares. He reminded himself that it was all in the Maker’s name.   
“…So you see we’ve put him in solitary with the wards up, so you’ll be perfectly safe from his magic,” The templar was talking, but Sebastian had been a million miles away. He nodded along before being lead to a small corridor, right in the centre of the Gallows. A line of thick-walled cells ran down the length of the corridor each with a heavy wooden door held in place with 2 metal slats. There was little chance of breaking out for a normal person, and now that’s exactly what the mages behind these doors were.

“This mage, I would like to be left alone with him. A man’s confession is his between himself and his priest.” Sebastian stated, and when the Templar began to protest he held up a hand. “Regardless of this maleficar’s crimes we must act as an example no? It is a man’s right before he meets his end to have a chance to repent. As you said, he is without magic and physically weak, whereas I am not. Do not fear.” The Templar looked like he wanted to say something, but Sebastian’s very presence commanded respect, it was a poorly kept secret that this Chantry Brother was really the Prince of Starkhaven.

“Very well Brother, I shall open the cell for you now. Just knock on the door when you are done.” The Templar handed Sebastian a candle from the supply on a table at the beginning of the corridor. “You’ll need this. There are no windows in those cells.” The other man’s brow furrowed at that, but the cell door was now opening.   
“Hey mage. You’ve got a visitor.” The Templar called into the darkness. “Brother.” He nodded before stepping back to allow Sebastian to enter the tiny room, before shutting the door behind him with a loud clang.

“Oh Maker, they would send YOU wouldn’t they?” The groan that came out of the darkness was undeniably the voice of a particular acquaintance of his.   
“Anders?” Sebastian held his candle aloft to be greeted with the exhausted and drawn face of the mage squinting away from the concentrated light.   
“Yes it’s me. Hello Sebastian, I’m just taking a nap in this wonderfully comfy Gallows-bed before heading home for a hard day’s work healing the people the rest of Kirkwall forgot about.” Anders spat venomously. Sebastian tried not to flinch at the anger in his words, remaining composed.

“So they caught you…” Sebastian muttered, more to himself. “What of Hawke? I can’t see how he would have allowed this?”  
Anders raised an eyebrow “Surely you know he’s currently not in Kirkwall, or I wouldn’t be sitting here.” He sighed “He has no idea.”  
There was a long silence, Sebastian set down the small stool he was carrying and placed the single candle down on it, using the light to take a proper look at the other man.

It was clear Anders had not slept, his blond hair loose from it’s usual tie, messy and hanging in clumps, his chest rising and falling in catching breaths that suggested he had been in great distress before Sebastian had arrived, and the tips of his fingers were red and bloody where he had been biting on the skin around his stubby nails. Now that the wards were in place there was no chance that Justice could make an appearance, and for the first time Sebastian was in the presence of Anders, and only Anders.

“So tell me Sebastian…” Anders broke the silence, and the archer’s eyes flew up to meet the mage’s, almost black in the candlelight, “Am I to be executed tonight? Made Tranquil? Which is it?” His voice had lost the earlier rage, and Sebastian felt a twinge of…something.

“Anders…” Sebastian sat down on the low bed beside him, putting what he hoped was a comforting hand on the blond man’s shoulder, “I’m afraid they’ve decided to execute you. They don’t believe that you are deserving of the mercy of Tranquility.” The man prepared himself for anger, perhaps for tears as Anders shoulders began to shake, so he was thrown off-guard by the sudden burst of laughter from the mage.

“The mercy of Tranquility?” Anders gasped through his mirth. “Oh Maker Sebastian they have got you good. How can anyone call having your entire being stripped away a mercy? No. I’m glad, glad that I am facing death and not being made into something worse than death.” His laughter faded, and there was another silence as Sebastian struggled with what to say in response to such an outburst.

Once again, Anders was the first to break the quiet, and once again his demeanor had changed. “Still… ideally I would wish I wasn’t facing this at all.” Sebastian stared over at the other man’s face, the dark circles under his even darker eyes suddenly misty with the realization of what would happen at sunset. He didn’t even know when that sunset was, stuck in this dark room with now only a lone candle that probably wouldn’t even last the hours before his time.

“You know Anders, I was sent here for a purpose.” Sebastian said quietly, though the other man did not respond or move. “I am to give you your last rites, a final confession…” Anders snorted in response; clearly the idea of such a thing was ridiculous. “Then perhaps you would just like to talk?”

“Talk?” Anders turned to look at Sebastian, causing the other man to instinctively move his head away, “When have you ever wanted to talk to me before? We’re not friends Sebastian, not even close. I have made no secret of my beliefs, and you have made no secret of your disagreement. Even now we are sitting here when you could help me get out!” There was a twinge of desperation in the man’s voice as he stared at Sebastian, who shifted under the intense gaze.

“Anders… You know I couldn’t.” He said quietly, “It wouldn’t be possible. You’re being held in the very centre of the Gallows. There are Templars everywhere, anti-magic wards, walls, and iron gates, it’d be impossible. You’d just die faster.” The very small, suppressed part of Sebastian’s mind brought up the question he hoped Anders would not: But even if there HAD been a chance of escape, would you have helped him? He felt a sudden sharp pang of guilt… he couldn’t answer that question.

The silence descended again, both men lost in their own thoughts.


	3. Last Rites Chapter 3

“Can I ask something of you?” The man that spoke now was not the Anders that Sebastian had met 6 years ago. His voice was softer, betraying Anders true age not the age of the burdens he carried. Sebastian’s heart beat just a little bit faster listening to this newer, younger, vulnerable Anders. “When… When it’s over… Make sure Hawke doesn’t try and wreak his idea of revenge on the Templars won’t you?” Anders smiled despite himself “I can see him attempting some kind of one-man assault on the whole Gallows.”

Sebastian chuckled quietly, “That’s our Hawke.” He put a hand on Anders knee in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “And I promise. I won’t let him do anything reckless.”

“I love him you know…”

“I know.” Of course Sebastian knew, everyone knew how the mage felt about Hawke. Except, it seemed, for Hawke.

“We slept together once… 3 years ago. I thought he loved me. It was just after his mother… after what happened to her… I forgave him for kicking me out after. I thought it was because he was grieving and wanted to be alone. And that he’d come back to me when he was ready… But it turns out he never felt the same way. I was just a comfort.” Anders tried to stop himself from talking, this was SEBASTIAN he was talking to, a man whose ideals he hated and who of all people he didn’t want to be spilling the deepest parts of his heart to. But here he was. “And the worst thing is I can’t even be angry or resentful because for the love of the Maker, his mother had just been murdered… by a MAGE no less. How can you resent someone for needing some damned comfort at a time like that?”

His eyes were prickling with sudden tears, and he blinked furiously to try and get rid of them but in the low light that was already stinging, his face soon became tracked with hot, angry streaks. He turned his head to stare at the wall, his face burning with embarrassment at crying in front of the archer.

Sebastian felt a knot in his stomach at looking at the mage in such a way. He’d had no idea of what had occurred between Hawke and Anders, he and the others had been convinced it was just puppy love, or an unrequited infatuation that had never been acted upon, but to hear that Hawke had used the other man in such a way made Sebastian feel… something.

Anders wiped his face, still not looking at Sebastian. “Maker what a fool I am. I’m going to die in a few hours, yet I’m spending it blubbing about Hawke to a man who hates me.”

“That’s not true!” Sebastian said, his voice sounding strained, he cleared this throat quickly. “That’s not true Anders. Yes we have conflicting opinions, but I do not hate you.”

The blond finally turned and smiled at the other man despite his damp eyes, and Sebastian felt a strange flutter in the pit of his stomach that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Not since… No. It couldn’t be that. He dismissed the thoughts and distracted himself by wondering where the Templar guard had got to… He assumed that with the magic wards and the amount of Templars that guarding the cells wasn’t much of a priority… And the guard didn’t seem to like Sebastian much. Not that the Prince minded being here. Quite the opposite.

“Sebastian.” Again the softness of the voice speaking his name made Sebastian almost blush with a strange kind of pleasure, “What happens when you die?”

The stark reminder of why he was here in this dark room with the mage cut through Sebastian’s hazy thoughts and a pain in his chest made his feelings clear to himself. But there was no room for such selfish thoughts, so he pushed them aside to answer the other man.

“Well Anders…” He saw that Anders had bought his legs up onto the bed and was leaning against the wall so he was looking right at Sebastian. The blue-eyed man brought his own knee up so he was also turned to face the other. “The teachings of the Chantry are that those who meet their end with their sins cleansed from their bodies will walk beside the Maker in eternity.”

The blond man chuckled “That’s what you said to Isabela once. She said that all the best parties would be in the Void.”

Sebastian smiled at the memory “I’m surprised you remember it, you never seemed to pay much attention to me and my “too much faith”?”

“I know. I’ve picked some fights with you over the years. I shouldn’t have. I do believe in the Maker, I just… I just get so driven by my cause that I fail to see there are people in front of me.” Anders face fell again. “But it seems my cause is lost now either way. Not much I can do when I’m dead. Although perhaps Justice will finally be free.”

The archer decided not to bring up Justice now. He didn’t want to think about the spirit… the demon, inside of this now harmless man sitting opposite him. While the wards were in place, Justice was gone, and Anders was free to be just himself. And frankly, Sebastian wished he’d seen this version of Anders more often. Perhaps their relationship could have been very different.

“Do you know what the worst thing is?” Anders spoke so quietly he could barely be heard. “I feel so selfish for even thinking like this because I’m failing in my cause and letting down all the mages of Thedas… but I… I have never been loved by another. In my whole life. Not one person has ever loved me. Not Karl, not Nathaniel… a Grey Warden I knew in Amaranthine, and not Hawke. Just the illusion, the game, I loved all three but never got the same given back. I just think that’s a sad sad thing… To die without ever being loved…”

Again the tears welled up, but this time Anders made no attempt to hide them, his own sorrow suddenly washing over him. “Am I truly so terrible? That I’ll go to my grave without ever being more than a fuck? For once I’d like to be the one who was comforted… just once.”

Sebastian couldn’t hold himself and his racing thoughts back any longer. The sight of the mage in such distress hurt his heart to see, and he couldn’t just watch any more. With one swift movement, he pushed himself up onto the bed, and caught Anders lips in a deep kiss.

And Maker, it felt so right.


	4. Last Rites Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> M/M sex ahead!

He’d expected the other man to shove him off, shout at him, maybe even hit him for jumping him like this, what Sebastian didn’t expect Anders to do was kiss him back, opening his mouth to allow his tongue to explore. Then again, nothing Anders had done in the last couple of hours had made sense. Sebastian was encouraged, and brought his hands up to run his hands through the other mans hair, pleased at the little moan Anders made at the touch.

They finally broke apart; Sebastian was still straddling the mage, resting his forehead against Anders to stare into his dark eyes. They were breathless and the archer felt giddy from the kiss. It had been a long time.

“Do you want me to stop?” Sebastian could only whisper. He was transfixed with Anders eyes, almost black in the candlelight.

“Maker no.” Anders spoke in the same hushed tones. “But what… what about your vows?”

“Let me worry about them. This is for you.”

Sebastian didn’t know where all these feelings for Anders had come from. Seemingly from nowhere, but he knew it must have been more than that. He’d always found Anders fascinating that was true, but also confrontational and objectionable in how he spoke to the archer. He’d taken his strong feelings towards the mage as dislike, despite how pleasing he was to look at. Sebastian had always had a thing for blondes, male or female.

But now, gazing down on the man beneath made something stir in him that was more than just attraction or lust. Seeing Anders as what he truly was, a vulnerable young man, made Sebastian’s heart skip a beat as he moved his hands to the back of his neck, making the mage move in for another kiss.

This time it was harder, a sense of heightened urgency and need was starting to grip them now. Anders hands finally left his side and he reached up and under the shirt that Sebastian had worn instead of his usual armour, making the other man gasp as his soft fingers traced lines on the bare skin.

They broke the kiss again, but this time only to remove shirts and fling them to the edge of the bed. Now Sebastian took the lead, taking Anders wrists and pinning him to the small bed while he moved his mouth down to the mages neck, kissing it gently before biting, smiling as Anders gasped and bucked his hips.

Sebastian let out a low groan as he ground his hips down, unbearably hard through his canvas breeches, feeling the matching erection from Anders.  
“Oh Maker Sebastian…” The mage’s hands were now freed and he scrabbled at the fabric still between them. Two pairs of breeches were finally discarded along with small clothes and Sebastian leant back on his haunches to take in the sight of Anders, naked and staring up at him with a strange kind of innocence, the single candle creating shadows over his slim body.

“You’re beautiful.” He breathed.

Anders shifted with a little embarrassment at being stared at in such a way, but smiled. “No one’s ever called me beautiful before.”

Sebastian leant down to kiss him again, but now Anders pushed up with surprising strength, flipping the other man onto the bed and straddling him. Sebastian looked up with an expression of amusement; once again Anders had surprised him.

“Anders, what are you…” The blond held a finger to Sebastian’s lips.

“Let me do this for you.” He whispered, his eyes seeming to sparkle as the flickering candlelight illuminated them. He moved down to kiss Sebastian’s neck, his fingers moving from the archer’s mouth down to his chest, where they circled a nipple. Anders kissed a trail down the centre of Sebastian’s body, and the other man hissed with pleasure as he realized what his lover was intending to do.

Anders took Sebastian gently in hand, stroking him for a moment before lowering his head and taking the other man’s cock completely into his mouth. Sebastian cried out and gripped the worn bed sheets to stop himself thrusting upwards for fear of choking the mage. It had been so long since anyone had done this for him, even longer since the last time he’d been with a man and Sebastian was sensitive to the touch, which Anders fully exploited, running his tongue up the length before taking it deep within his mouth.

“Oh Maker Anders…” He gasped and groaned as Anders stopped, leaving him hard and wanting, coming up to kiss him with bruising force.

“I want you Sebastian.” Anders whispered in his ear, biting on his earlobe. “Please.”

The archer was more than happy to oblige, reversing their positions once again so he was on top. Anders moved as if to flip over but a steady hand prevented him.   
“No. I want to see your face.” His blue eyes were intense, and Anders cock quivered just at that stare. He lay back submissively, bringing his legs up to allow Sebastian the access he needed.

Sebastian brought his fingers up to the mage’s lips, who understood what he wanted him to do almost immediately, and sucked on them while never breaking his gaze. When he pulled his fingers away Anders made a small keening noise, lifting his hips up. Sebastian was sat back on his haunches and his fingers were light and teasing as they worked their way down, one hand grasping Anders cock while the other, saliva-coated digits snaked around to the tight pucker, making slow circles around it.

The archer whispered soft and gentle words as Anders bucked and moaned at the sensations. He pumped the mage at a steady pace while working his fingers inside him. He was being rougher than he wanted, but Anders moans were still almost all pleasure, particularly when his fingers finally found that sweet spot inside.

“Maker… Oh Sebastian… Please…” He was almost whimpering now, and Sebastian felt a surge of pleasure just for knowing he was the one making this happen. He pulled his fingers out and carefully lubricated himself with more spit, before positioning himself between Anders legs, bringing his body down onto his elbows so their foreheads were touching.

He caught Anders lips in a loose kiss as he pushed himself in, slowly, carefully, letting the other man groan into his mouth. He was warm and tight and as Sebastian took his first thrust he pulled up from his lovers mouth and gasped as the forgotten pleasures came flooding back to him. Anders nails clawed at his back as he clung to him, and together they moved to a steady rhythm.

“Faster.” The command was quiet but forceful, and Sebastian was surprised to see the sudden feral glint in Anders eyes, that need for comfort, to feel something, to escape all other thoughts and just be lost in the strange mix of pleasure and pain was written all over his face, and Sebastian was not going to withhold it from him.

Anders pulled Sebastian down so their chests brushed together as the pace quickened, and Sebastian could feel the mage’s throbbing cock pressed against his stomach.   
“Oh Maker… Anders!” He cried out, as he finally exploded, spilling himself deep into the mage, hot, sticky fluid coated their stomachs as he reached his own release.

Sebastian collapsed on top of Anders, the two men shiny with sweat and feeling blissful as they held each other, basking in their own afterglow. It could have been anything between minutes or hours, but they both fell into a deep, comforting sleep.


	5. Last Rites Chapter 5

Anders eyes fluttered open and he lay there in the now pitch black cell, the lone candle long since melted to the end, listening to the steady heartbeat of Sebastian. It had been a long time since he had felt safe like this, protected, and he laughed at his own emotions for forgetting their own close end. He had no idea what the time was or how long they had been asleep, all he knew was that soon he was going to die. There was nothing he or Sebastian could do to change that.

Who’d have thought that the one person to truly understand his loneliness and need for human comfort would be the one person who he thought hated everything he was. Anders smiled into the warm skin of the archer.

“Anders…” His soothing voice sounded out and Anders looked up towards his face, despite not being able to see it. “The candle’s gone out…”

“Well done Sebastian, your powers of perception are impressive.” The sarcastic comment was out before Anders had a chance to stop it, but he sighed in relief as he felt Sebastian chuckle. “We should get dressed.” With a great deal of effort the two men sat up, fumbling in the dark to find their clothes. Neither said a word, there was a tension in the air now, and once they were dressed Anders sat away from Sebastian so they weren’t touching.

This did not go unnoticed, “Anders. Are you okay?” He tried to reach for his hand, but the mage snatched it away quickly. “I didn’t hurt you did I?” Anders eyes slowly grew used to the darkness, and he could see Sebastian’s eyes glinting, catlike, in the gloom, he was staring intently at him.

“You should go Sebastian.” It was barely a whisper, so quiet that even sitting right beside him Sebastian barely heard it.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re done aren’t we?”

Sebastian flinched despite himself at the detached, cold voice. “Anders…” He began, but was cut off as a shaking hand took hold of his wrist.

“Don’t.” Anders hissed, “Don’t make this harder than it has to be Sebastian. Just leave me.”

“No.” Sebastian found Anders hand in the dark and before the mage had a chance to pull away again he clasped it tightly. “You don’t have to push me away the way Hawke did to you. It’s okay to be scared. I’m here… until the end.” His voice hitched at that, who knew how long they had now?

“I am scared.” Anders admitted. “I’m scared and I don’t want to die. But you’ve shown me a kindness I never thought I’d experience and I am… strangely happy.”

Sebastian tried to swallow the lump in his throat, finding it hard to get the words to form properly, “Then why do you want me to leave?”

“Because I would not have you be caught with an Apostate like this,” He gave Sebastian’s hand a squeeze, “We are done Sebastian, and I think any longer may just make this harder to face the inevitable.”

There was a wisdom in Anders words, and he sounded so very different yet again. Perhaps, Sebastian mused, this is what it meant to accept the finality of human life. Anders wasn’t fighting it anymore, and it had aged his words. It was something Sebastian was finding difficult to accept, yet he knew he could not deny the other man this. He looked down as he felt the mage move again, and he felt the warm hands tying a thin string of leather around one of the archer’s wrists. Sebastian recognized it; it was what Anders used to tie up his hair. A memento.

“I wish… I wish we had found…” He hesitated a moment, touching the band of leather, “…This… in other circumstances. We could have…”

“Don’t.” Anders said again, smiling sadly at the shadowy outline of the archer. “Don’t dwell on what might have been. Say goodbye to Hawke and the others for me won’t you?”

“I will.” Sebastian whispered, unable to speak any louder. “Can I ask something of you Anders? And then I will leave you to your thoughts.”

“Of course?”

“May I kiss you again?”

Anders leant over, cupping the prince’s face in his hands before pressing his lips against the other mans. Sebastian reached up to bury his hands in the blond hair as their tongues explored each others mouths. It was a long, sweet kiss, full of need and want. It left them breathless and when they finally broke apart they simply sat with their foreheads pressed together, stroking each others faces silently before Anders planted a small, quick kiss on Sebastian’s lips.

Sebastian understood the cue. He stood slowly, the break in contact leaving him feeling cold. He moved as if in a dream towards the heavy wooden door.

“Goodbye. My friend.”

The loud knock on the door alerted the guard outside, Sebastian counted the thirteen steps it took for the man to reach cell, felt the key turn in the pit of his stomach, the door opening with a loud creak. Sebastian turned back as the light spilled into the room and over the mage sitting on the bed. Anders was smiling at him, his brown eyes warm.

“May the Maker watch over you.” Sebastian said quietly.

With that the door was shut, plunging Anders back into darkness while Sebastian stood in the light, blinking at the heavy door that now stood between them.

“Are you alright Brother? Those Apostates can be tough going… I bet his confession had all sorts of things in it…” The Templar was talking again, but Sebastian was twirling the little leather band around his wrist and not listening to a word.

He was led out of the Gallows, back through the wrought iron gates, past the haunting weeping statues, past the Tranquil and their wares, along the streets of High Town. All he could see was Anders, that cell door opening, being led along the corridors and passages to the place he would meet his end, his head held high.

Sebastian shook the images out of his head as he began to walk faster, barely noticing the nobles that strolled through High Town without a care as the sun began to sink behind the tall buildings. It came back in flashes, Anders finally reaching that cold circular room, greeted only by the three helmed Templars who would oversee his death. He could even hear the silent prayer Anders was repeating over and over in his head.

Sebastian was running now, desperate to get back to the solitude of the chantry and be alone with his thoughts. He felt his shoulder collide with something and a cry of “Hey!” but he paid it no heed as he saw the steps of the Chantry come into view. The sun had dipped behind the buildings now, casting the city in shadows. Anders was kneeling now, his eyes fixed straight ahead, calm and collected. The sword flashed behind him.

“Oh Maker.” Sebastian collapsed halfway up the steps of the Chantry, his heart pounding and his head spinning as he burst into wracking sobs that shook his entire body. It was over. Anders was gone. He could feel it; it was as if someone had pulled a part of the world to pieces. He pulled his knees up to his chest and cried, looking like a lost little boy on the white marble.

And as Sebastian took a gasping breath of air, he saw a brilliant blue light flare up like a glorious firework over Kirkwall, before it disappeared into the descending darkness.


	6. Last Rites Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End!

The days started to meld together as Sebastian returned to his daily duties as a brother in the Chantry, feeling like the biggest fraud in Thedas. He was grieving, but he could not tell anyone why, but if anyone noticed his sudden withdrawal they did not question it. Even Elthina avoided asking him directly what was wrong, knowing that whatever emotions he was feeling for whatever reasons, were too raw to talk about yet. The ritual of sleep, work, eat if he remembered, were the best comfort he could find now. He was plagued by dreams of blond hair and brown eyes and woke several times in a night, bathed in a cold sweat.

After a week… or was it two? Hawke finally returned to Kirkwall, full of tales from his adventure to an Orlesian estate and absolutely clueless of what had happened in his absence. Sebastian knew he would have to be the one to break the news to the others, the Templars gave no thought to friends or family of the apostates they brought in or disposed of.

It was the first time he had left the Chantry since the Gallows; he wore only a tunic and trousers, his armour untouched since the last mission he had been on with Hawke. He caught Elthina’s eye as he walked towards the doors leading out to High Town. He merely shook his head sadly at her. She would not understand. How could she? The night was cold but Sebastian could barely feel it as he walked, wishing the gnawing in the pit of his stomach would desist.

The Hanged Man was exactly as he always found it, noisy and dirty and full of fools. He spotted the group at their usual table in the corner.

“Sebastian!” Isabela’s eyes twinkled as she spotted him, “We HAVE missed you, we have lots of exciting stories from our trip to the country!”

“Where is Hawke?” He asked abruptly, earning a sulky pout from Isabela and a few raised eyebrows from the others.

“He’s not here tonight Choir Boy,” Varric shrugged “Said he was feeling tired and was going to wait for Anders at his estate.” Fenris made a noise at that, and Sebastian couldn’t help but narrow his eyes slightly. It seemed the only person to notice the sudden increase in tension was Merrill, and she moved towards Aveline.

“I can’t understand why Hawke would settle for an abomination of all things. There is no accounting for taste.” Fenris spat.

“He is not an abomination.”

“Excuse me?”

“Anders.” Sebastian’s voice was quiet and steady, but very unsettling. “Is not an abomination.”

Fenris couldn’t help but sneer, his dislike of Anders was no secret after all. “Sure. Because possessed mages aren’t abominations if it’s Anders. Nice to know your stance has also changed, clearly you’ve done some bonding while the rest of us have been awa-“

Sebastian didn’t know what had come over him as he grabbed Fenris by the collar of his armour, blinded by a sudden rage at the elf’s disregard. He slammed the warrior up against a wall, spilling drinks.

“Sebastian!” Aveline was already up and pulling them apart, Fenris’ eyes were flashing with anger but he heeded the strong grip of the woman in between them and stayed back. The red haired woman turned to Sebastian, who was still glaring at the elf. “What in the Maker’s name has got into you?”

“None of you have a sodding clue what’s gone on here while you’ve all been away at some Orlesian mansion!” Sebastian was unable to keep the waver out of his voice. They were all staring at him now; even other patrons had turned to watch the drama.

“What are you talking about?” Varric frowned, “Has something happened to Blondie?”

Suddenly the room was spinning and Sebastian felt sick, the gnawing finally giving way to full blown nausea. “He… he was arrested 2 weeks ago.” Merrill gasped and Isabela swore, but he was staring at the floor now, trying not to fall over. “They- They didn’t wait. They executed him… He’s gone.” He felt Aveline holding onto his arm and he felt a rush of gratitude for her steadying him.

Now he could hear Merrill starting to cry and Isabela swearing under her breath some more, Fenris looked confused and Varric seemed to be, for the first time, out of words.

“I have to go.” Sebastian whispered, pulling his arm away from Aveline and making his way to the door as fast as possible, ignoring the woman calling after him.

The rank air of Low Town did nothing to ease the nausea, and Sebastian dry-heaved in the alleyway next to the tavern before starting the long jog to High Town. He HAD to see Hawke, to tell him what happened; especially now the others knew.

By the time he reached the Amell estate he felt almost delirious, choking back the emotions that threatened to spill over the surface from two long weeks of suppression. He knocked on the door, leaning heavily against it. He expected Bodahn to answer, but Hawke was suddenly stood in front of him, a thinly veiled look of disappointment turning quickly to concern on the other man’s face, he’d obviously been expecting Anders.

“Sebastian… Are you alright?”

“Anders is dead.” He couldn’t find any other way to say it, it hurt too much and now the dam was broken and the hot tears spilled over his cheeks. He felt himself being pulled into the warmth of the estate, the door shut behind him.

“What in the Void are you talking about?” Hawke shook Sebastian roughly by the shoulders as panic began to grip him.

“Templars…” Sebastian managed, “They took him Hawke… He’s gone.” The rough hands let him go suddenly, and he sank onto the bench next to the door.

Hawke stood facing away from him, his hand covering his face. “Why wasn’t he here? Why… Why didn’t he stay here like we agreed?”

Sebastian didn’t know if this was a rhetorical question or not, so answered “He didn’t want to stay here without you. He felt like he was intruding.” He’d never realized how selfless Anders was, always being overly polite when it came to things like that. So many “what-ifs” were plaguing the archers mind.

“That fool… That bloody fool…” Hawke’s voice broke as his own tears came, “I had it all planned… Everything was going to be okay… Why did he… I loved him!”

Sebastian’s head snapped up at that and he stared at Hawke. “You what?”

“I loved him Sebastian. I was waiting for him today to tell him, tell him how I felt…I can’t believe… FUCK!” The warrior punched the wall next to him, as Sebastian sat dumbfounded.

“You loved him all this time and you didn’t say anything?” The bright blue of Sebastian’s eyes was flashing with something that Hawke couldn’t quite work out through his own emotions.

“Fuck I didn’t know what I felt… After that night we spent together I guess I loved him yeah, I just never said anything. Didn’t know how.”

“Is that why you left him here when you went to Chateau Haine?” The other man whispered.

Hawke stared at Sebastian, “Are you… Are you saying this is MY fault?” The warrior’s dark brows suddenly knotted together. “Wait… Why do YOU care so much? You didn’t even like Anders!”

“Do not assume to know how I feel about anyone Hawke.” Sebastian retorted, “All I know is that I was there when you were not. I comforted that man in his final hours while you were off sipping wine with nobles!” In an instant Sebastian found himself held by the front of his shirt, inches away from a snarling Hawke.

“So what Sebastian? You saying that Anders suddenly loved you and not me? After all these years? Don’t be a fool. He always loved me.” He hissed, as the other man stared back unrelenting, his blue eyes intense. Hawke continued his tirade, his words laced with venomous rage. “So why didn’t you save him? You could have prevented this. You’re blaming me, but you were the one who saw him last. You did nothing. You let him die.”

The defiance in Sebastian’s eyes finally died, and his arms dropped. “Would my death have helped anything Hawke?” He asked quietly “As I left him in that cell all I wanted to do was break him out of there, however I could. But there was nothing I could do. The Gallows is not made for daring escapes, just misery and death.”

“You were with him there? In the Gallows?” Hawke gasped, his grip loosening slightly.

“I was asked to give him his last rites…” Sebastian almost revealed more about the encounter, but he realized he didn’t want to share it. Not with Hawke, not with anyone. What had happened in that cell was his and his alone, now that Anders was no longer here to share it with. He suddenly had an overwhelming desire to be alone. He had done what he had come to do.

Sebastian pushed Hawke off him, straightening his shirt as he did so. “Anders loved you Hawke. I am not deluded.” His right hand moved instinctively down the leather band around his left wrist, a motion that Hawke noticed. His eyes grew wide as he recognized the band and he slunk back, his shoulders slumped with a sudden exhaustion.

“He is gone Hawke. And we’re both left only with our regrets. I have nothing else to say now; I will leave you with your grief.”

Hawke didn’t say anything as Sebastian left his house, but once the door was closed behind him Sebastian heard the guttural scream of sorrow from a broken man.

“Only our regrets…” He twirled the leather band around his wrist, before putting his hands in his pockets and starting the walk back to the Chantry.

He would leave for Starkhaven in the morning.

-End-


End file.
